Naruto: Ocarina of Annoyance
by Uzuki-Kun
Summary: Naruto, a child without any faerie, suddenly finds himself thrust into the middle of a conflict between good and bad. Will he be able to withstand time, evil...and an annoying faerie that keeps telling him to listen? Crossover parody of Naruto and Zelda
1. The Great Jiraiya Tree

A/N: Welcome to Naruto: Ocarina of Annoyance! Please press Start and begin the long, boring dialogue now! Don't worry, it should only take an hour of reading and listening to boring music to go through!

By the way, this may not make a lot of sense if you haven't played the game Zelda: Ocarina of Time...or if you haven't watched Naruto. However, since this is in the Naruto category, I have a feeling that you have seen the show. Good for you. Have a cupcake. Now...ON WITH THE SHOW!_

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_In the deep forests of Konoha, an ancient guardian sleeps..._

_He sleeps in the hopes to never re-awaken... _

_For when he awakens, it will mean a dreadful evil has begun to plague the land..._

_An evil that will spell destruction for all and sunder..._

_An evil that will purge the land of hope, prosperity...and peace..._

_In the ancient forest, the guardian slumbers on..._

_However, a new evil has arisen..._

_A new hero will be awoken..._

_And a dark, mystical power will be unleashed upon the land of Konoha..._

_In his bower in a tree, young Naruto sleeps on, his dreams plagued by the evil that begins to stir..._

_He tosses in his sleep, unaware that in the land of Konoha, the dream he is having has become real..._

_Unaware that in the land of Konoha, a deep, ancient evil has arisen to challenge the forces of good..._

_Unaware that his fate, and that of the forest, the plains, mountains, and seas, will now all intertwine..._

_Unaware that his life will change forever..._

_The ancient forest stirs itself. It feels the evil penetrating ever deeper into the heart of the land..._

_It feels the forces of evil beginning to draw power..._

_It begins to cry out for the savior of the forest to protect it..._

_The guardian hears, even in its deep slumber..._

_THE GUARDIAN HAS AWOKEN!

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Naruto tossed, mumbling slightly as his sleep began to be interrupted by the dreams of his past. Death...darkness...lightning filled his vision. He ran from figures stepping out into his shaded sight. Claws, wings, arms, and fingers were thrust at him, catching his clothes and ripping his skin. He cried out, stumbling and running vainly in an attempt to escape his attackers. They chased, moaning for his blood. His tears mingled with the dust upon his face as he sought refuge. However, a figure blocked his path, one that radiated death and foreboding. He stopped, wide-eyed, as the figure smiled down upon him. It's pale face, sinister in the horrid light, looked more like the insane nightmares of his past than anything he had ever seen.

"Young one...in the days that come, you will die!" A sword flashed from nowhere, cutting the boy down. As he lay on the ground, his sobs of anguish being muffled out by the laughing of the maniacal figure before him, his dream began to dematerialize, and he was left in a state of dreamless bliss.

The figure in the woods reached out with its ancient power, seeking those that could help. It sought among the forest folk, scurrying around in their own endeavors, unaware of the coming evil. It sought within the ocean and streams, where the fish-folk lived, keeping to themselves mostly. It sought to the mountain, where the rock-eaters called their domain home, sipping lava straight from piping hot tubes running from the earth. It sought any that could help it...and finally, it found the one boy that had the most potential of any...

"Hmm...yes...I feel...I feel something...something strange, but wonderful. Yes...this boy has something in him that will help in the coming days...I feel it...I feel..." It said no more, only began to think to itself. Suddenly, it began to radiate a new aura, one that sent shivers down the backs of the tiny ones, the small nymphs and faeries that called the forest home as well. One in particular felt the surge, knowing full well that her time had come. "Come to me, little one. Please, there is not a moment to waste." Hastily, it flew to it's deity's side, bowing as formally as it could.

"Yes, Jiraiya Tree-sama. What is it I can do for you?" The ancient woodland being, thousands of years old and groaning with the weight of many seasons, sighed.

"Sakura-san...you are the only faerie without a partner, are you not?" The faerie sighed slightly, nodding.

"Yes, Tree-sama. I have no partner, as no partner has been picked for me." The ancient tree sighed once more.

"Then, I have a mission for you, little one. Go. A boy in the village of Konoha is in need of you at the moment. He has no faerie, and you have no partner. Please, bring him here. I must speak with him." The faerie nodded, turning and flying down the path. _Please...please hurry little Sakura. The whole of the future rests with you._

The faerie, Sakura, flew in a direct path, being given directions by her own power and the power to detect those with no faeries at the present. Having gotten to the village, she began to roam, seeking the one she was looking for.

"HEY! Sakura, what are you doing?" Another faerie, shining with a bright blue light, suddenly erupted in front of her, hovering so she could speak with her friend.

"Oh! I didn't see you. Tell me, Anko. Where is the boy, Naruto? I am supposed to find him for the great Jiraiya Tree." The other, Anko, began tinkling, her laughter cutting through the stillness of the day.

"Oh, that lazy bum? He's up in that tree over there. You can hear him snoring if you just listen. Hurry up and wake him. He's becoming a bother." A new voice shot through the stillness.

"Anko...oh! There you are." Anko's partner, Hinata, walked up, smiling curtly at the small, pink faerie next to hers. "Oh! Sakura-san. Hello. Still no partner, hmm?" The pink faerie danced slightly in agitation, but agreed.

"No, not yet. But, thanks for the help, Anko. Take care, Hinata!" Taking off, she flew to the top boughs of the tree, looking around the small, dingy looking hut. Seeing the blond boy on the mattress in front of her, she sighed.

"So...this is who I'm supposed to awaken? What a lazy boy." Flying over to him, she began to tickle his nose with a wingtip. "Naruto? Wake up please. The Great Jiraiya Tree-sama has something to tell you. You have to go there." However, the boy turned over, ignoring the faerie altogether. Annoyed at his action, she flew up to the top shelf above him, getting between a cup and the wall and hoisting it over the top. It fell, cracking upon the boy's head and making him sit up.

"What? Who? Where? OW! MY HEAD!" Grabbing his wounded head, he began pouting to himself.

"Good! You're up! Now, come on! We have to go!" Naruto looked up to see who was speaking, surprised to see a small, pink faerie in his vision.

"What? A faerie? Wait...I don't have a faerie. I haven't gotten one yet. Does that mean...you're my faerie?" Sakura shook her head. The boy had a one-track mind.

"Um...sure, whatever. Now, come on!" Hopping out of the bed, Naruto stretched, walking along behind the small creature in front of him.

"Wow! A faerie of my very own. I can't believe it!" Getting outside, Sakura jangled in the air as Naruto came out to view the world. He had been asleep since dark, so the fresh sunlight felt good. Staring down, he saw a familiar figure running towards him.

"Oh! Hey Naruto-kun! How...how do you feel today?" Naruto smiled down, not bothering with the ladder that led to the bottom, but instead hopping down the tree in one leap, landing on the ground. He winced as his legs took the pressure of the jump, but smiled, hoping that the girl in front of him hadn't seen.

"Oh! I'm fine, Hinata-chan. Just, um...hopping around, you know?" The girl smiled, her faerie Anko and Sakura giggling slightly. Hinata gave her faerie a reproving glance before turning back to the boy in front of her.

"Well...I...I hope that you have a good day, Naruto-kun." Turning, she walked away. Anko rolled her eyes, a motion so slight that only Sakura was able to pick it up, than she to left. Sakura sighed, turning back to the boy.

"COME ON! WE HAVE TO GO!" Naruto smiled, nodding as he followed his new acquisition towards the ancient defender. However, before he got there, another stepped out, holding out a hand to keep him from entering the forest.

"Hey...what's the big deal, Sasuke?" The boy in front of him shook his head, looking down at Naruto's form and sneering.

"You can't see the Jiraiya Tree. He wouldn't want to see you anyways." The faerie buzzed sharply in the others face.

"Look, you! I'm on a mission here! Now, get out of our way!" The boy snickered, looking back at the blond in front of him and then eying the faerie once more.

"So...you got a faerie now, huh? Interesting. Well, like I said, you still ain't getting through. I mean, look at you. You're short, you're untrained...heck, you don't even have a sword or a shield! Tsch...go away." Turning around, the boy went to sit on a chair he had placed in the front of the path, sitting down and staring at the two. Naruto welled up inside. He was tired of Sasuke always telling him what to do, just because he was shorter than him.

"Baka!" Turning, Naruto immediately started walking back to his house, going to lie down once more, when a certain faerie flew into his face.

"NO! We have to see the tree. Just...just...just push that guy out of the way or something."

"Huh! Nice idea. He's not going to just 'let' me push him. Besides, he'd wallop me." He had almost reached his house when an idea struck the little being.

"Hey. I know where you can get both a sword and a shield. Will that impress him enough?" Naruto turned, his eyes closed. Slowly, he nodded.

"I don't know if it will impress him...but it would be nice to have a shield and a sword. So, what do I do?" The faerie turned, pointing in the direction of the woods on the opposite side of the village.

"Go over there. There is a path there that will lead into the woods. But you have to be careful. I was only there once, and I didn't like the place. It has a couple of traps...well, you'll see when you get there." His eyebrow cocked, Naruto walked to the edge of the forest, peering around. He did see the hole in the wood, making for an efficient gate. Scratching his head in questioning the fact that he himself had never actually seen the hole there before, he got down on his knees, crawling inside. Almost immediately he threw himself against the back of a tree, his air leaving his lungs as a giant boulder bounded past.

"I told you there were traps in here. I didn't lie, you know." Naruto glanced up at her.

"You could've told me there were boulders here, though. Trying to kill me on my first day or something?" Sakura smiled.

"...Maybe..." Snorting, Naruto began the task of hopping between hiding places, avoiding the boulders and keeping out of harms way. As the boulders bundled past, they tended to go up inclines, turning and bumbling back down again in the direction they had come. He was hard pressed to keep out of their path, but he did it with as little loss of grace as possible. Diving past the last hurtle, he got up, brushing himself off. In his path stood a chest, lined with gold and made of a thick, heavy looking old wood.

"So...a chest, huh? How do I open it?" Naruto glanced at his faerie, who shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess...you just open it, huh?" Naruto shrugged, going to the chest and grabbing the edges. With a heave and grunt, he was able to open the chest, with no key or anything. The top flew open, and a light shined out. He smiled, diving into the chest and searching about. In a matter of a few seconds, he popped out, holding a sword over his head. The sword shone with a glorious light, and it revolved around above his hands as he smiled up at it. Suddenly, it appeared in a sheath on his back, and he smiled again.

"Umm...that was weird. Will that happen every time you find something?" Naruto glanced over at his faerie once again.

"I don't know...but it makes me happy when it happens. Kinda like...some crazy adventure or something. Anyways, I have a sword now, so what do I do for a shield?" The faerie flew over, landing on the boy's head and scratching its own.

"Um...You buy one. You got any money?" The boy sighed, staring at the ground as he scuffed a shoe.

"No. No I don't. So where do I get some?" The faerie shrugged.

"I don't know. Let's ask around. Maybe you can do odd jobs for people to earn some. I don't think the shield is much. Only like thirty yen or something." Naruto nodded, turning and beginning the treacherous way back towards the town.

After a few minutes of intense dodging, he once again crawled under the branches and vines, appearing in the village. Looking around, he got up, sighting one of his other friends and running over to him.

"Hey! Konohamaru! I'm looking for money! You got any ideas?" The boy he was referring to looked up, bored, and smiled slightly.

"Yeah...try cutting up plants. That always works for me." Naruto cocked an eyebrow.

"Wait...plants? Why would plants have money in them?" Konohamaru shrugged.

"I don't know. Just sometimes I find money in bushes and plants and grass and stuff. Maybe people drop them there, but that's how I find money. Try it if you want." Naruto smiled, nodding.

"Yeah...maybe I will. Thanks!" Turning to leave, he stopped as Konohamaru glanced at him.

"Hey! You have the Konoha sword, don't you? That's a cool looking piece of equipment. But, uh...do you know how to use it?" Naruto glanced at his sword, then shook his head.

"No...but I figure I'll get better when I practice." Konohamaru smiled, hopping up onto the log he was standing by.

"How about I give you some pointers?" Naruto smiled, turning and unsheathing his sword.

"Sure, why not. I could use some help anyways."

"Well, that's obvious..." Sakura sighed, turning to go and sit on a bush while Naruto and Konohamaru began practicing. Being the novice swordsman that he was, Konohamaru was able to teach Naruto a variety of basic attacks, thrusts, and side-steps, each with their own purpose.

"Oh! By the way, don't forget to Z-Target stuff. That always helps!" A parting word from Konohamaru stopped Naruto in his tracks, making him turn.

"Wait...Z-Target?" Konohamaru stopped suddenly, scratching his head.

"Oh yeah...never mind. Forget I said anything. See ya!" Turning, the boy left, disappearing into the brush.

"Weird..." Naruto turned back, facing his faerie as she buzzed in his face.

"Great...are you ready to go now?" Naruto nodded, walking with her as she flew in front of him. A bush on his right suddenly caught his attention, and unsheathing his sword, he ran towards it, chopping it to pieces. There in his view was a shiny gem, green tinted and glowing. He smiled, picking it up and holding it above his head. It disappeared suddenly, and he glanced at his wallet strapped to his side, knowing that it somehow had been placed there.

"I got a yen!" Turning back to his partner, he smiled. "I'll just chop some grass and stuff now. That should help!"

An hour later, he smiled down at his pocket. He had collected another ten of the green gems, two of the blue ones, and one that shown with a blood red color. In his head, he figured he had thirty-one yen in all.

"ARG! You have forty-one, Naruto! The red one counts as twenty, remember! You should have learned how to count better!" His faerie flew around his head in agitation, and he smiled.

"Oh yeah...forty-one. Well, is that enough?" Sakura nodded, pointing to the store.

"Yeah, now go buy a shield and lets get out of here!" Naruto smiled, nodding and walking to the store. Suddenly, he was hailed by a voice out of nowhere. Looking to the left and right, he stopped.

"Up here, Naruto!" Sakura flew above the head of another child, who smiled at her from atop the sign on the shop.

"Wow! You have a faerie now, huh Naruto? Did you know that you can use her to talk to people far away? Just look in the general direction of a person, and she'll fly to them, allowing you to speak to them. Remember to Z-Target!" Naruto smiled, waving at her as Sakura flew back down. As they entered the shop, he talked out the side of his mouth.

"Do you know anything about this Z-Targeting stuff?" Sakura smiled, talking out the side of her mouth as both kept walking straight.

"Not a thing...you people are freaking crazy!" Entering the shop, Naruto found himself staring at a wide array of items on the far wall. The shop keeper looked up, smiling at them.

"Welcome to the Konoha Forest Shop! Can I help you?" Naruto smiled, pointing at a shield on the far wall.

"Yeah...I'll take one of those please!" The shop keeper nodded. Suddenly, the shield became strapped to Naruto's back, and he glanced at it as he felt his wallet get lighter. "Gee...that's convenient...and weird." Turning, he walked out of the shop, followed by his new faerie friend. Together, they walked back to the entrance to the Jiraiya tree, where Sasuke was still sitting in his chair.

"Hey! You can't go in there, I said!" Getting up, he blocked their path once again. Then, seeing Naruto, he gasped. "Wait...you have what? Is that...is that the Konoha sword? I don't believe it. Well, you still don't have a shield!...Wait...is that a Konoha shield? Well...I suppose you can pass. I don't know what the Great Jiraiya Tree-sama wants with you, but he is sure to be disappointed." Turning, he walked back to his stool, sitting down and staring through slitted eyes at the pair.

"What's his problem?" Sakura glanced at her partner, who shrugged.

"I don't know. He hates his brother, who killed his parents. So he went all emo on us, and now he's like that." Sakura sighed, looking over at the boy again.

"Seems sad...Oh well! Let's go, shall we?" Naruto nodded, walking on the path towards the Jiraiya Tree. However, as he stepped out into the pathway, a harmless looking flower suddenly sprang up, snapping out and twirling around.

"What...what the hell is that thing?" Naruto looked at the faerie, who sighed.

"Hold on, let me go check." Flying across to it, and avoiding its open maw, the faerie scanned the creature, nodding to itself and flying back. "It's called a Jiraiya Baba! It's the evil incarnation of a Jiraiya seed."

"Well...how do I kill it?" Naruto unsheathed his sword, standing with his shield protecting him.

"Use your shield and let it strike it. It should stun it, leaving it open to a slashing attack." The faerie nodded once more.

"Wait...how do you even know that?" Naruto looked up, seeing the faerie think about it, then shrug.

"I dunno. I just do. Now, do as I say!" Naruto sighed, walking up to the monstrous plant and allowing it to strike his shield, feeling the sting in his arm. However, it did exactly like the faerie said, stunning it and making it stand straight up, chomping at the sky in distress. Taking the initiative, Naruto slashed out, cutting the plant off at the stalk. It squealed, falling to the ground. Its head flew off, leaving a stick lying prone out of the loam. Walking to it, Naruto grabbed it, hoisting it above his head as it twirled around.

"Good job! It's a Jiraiya stick! You can use it to light torches and whack things with. Now, would you put that away and get going, please?" Naruto smiled, nodding as the stick vanished.

"Hey...where did it go?" Looking around, Naruto shrugged up at the faerie, who sighed exasperatedly.

"It went into your inventory, Naruto. If you open your pack, it'll be in there when you want it. Just think about it and it will appear. Now, let's go! Come on, he's waiting!" Naruto nodded, turning and following his faerie towards the inner bowels of the forest. Along the way, he fought more of the Jiraiya Baba's, each one being destroyed by a strike on the shield and a cleave of his sword. Each left him with a stick from the Great Jiraiya Tree, and he put each into his inventory that he didn't understand. Soon, he found himself walking around a corner, staring up at the guardian himself.

"Jiraiya Tree-sama! I brought the boy! Though...he's far less intelligent than I expected." The tree laughed slightly as the faerie flew up to bow in front of him. Looking down from his pupiless, wooden eyes, he gazed upon the boy, who bowed.

"Hello, Jiraiya Tree-sama. I have come." The tree would have nodded if it could have.

"Thank you, Sakura-san. Thank you for bringing him. Now, Naruto-kun. Please, come forward...I have much to tell you!"

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A/N: So, what do you think? I thought it was pretty good. Why did I think about doing this? I have no clue, don't ask. Nintendo owns Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Kishimoto owns Naruto and all the people in it. I own...um, this story, I suppose. 

Expect me to parody things from both things in this, such as the fact that Z-Targeting comes into play...but it really doesn't. And the fact that cutting bushes earns you money. And the fact that things just disappear into the bag and you don't actually have to put them there. HA! Um...yea, lot's of parody in this. Should be fun later on.

Ok, review. I am thinking about making a sequel to this one...but who knows. We'll see how this goes.


	2. Going Into The Tree

A/N: Wow! 64 hits, 2 reviews, 1 alert, and a C2? You guys love me! Ok, you love Naruto and Zelda...but really, you love me! HA! Ok, chapter 2 now...WHHHEEEE!!!

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The Great Jiraiya Tree stood tall in the dense forest, the shadow of the bulk of the ancient woodlander casting down upon the ground as Naruto sat himself below. With a sigh, the ancient tree began a very long, boring monologue about the history of the land of Konoha. 

"Naruto...the land of Konoha never used to be so prosperous. Generally speaking, it was a land that was new, full of wonder and amazement. However, hardly anything grew there. The soil was un-harvestable, the water un-drinkable, and the land full of danger. This all changed when three great faeries came down from the heavens..."

"And that is how the land of Konoha came into being. Now do you understand the back story of this ancient land?" The Jiraiya tree gazed down upon the boy. However, in his zest to tell the story of the land, he had, unequivocally, put the boy to sleep. He was resting with his head on a pillar of dirt, snoring slightly. "Errr...NARUTO! WAKE UP!" The boy came alive, shaking himself.

"Eh...what? I'm awake, alright? Geez!" Getting back up onto his feet, Naruto looked up at the tree, sighing to himself.

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" Naruto shrugged.

"I don't know. Something about faeries, and fire, and water, and earth...I have a heart, and there is some wind...so where the heck is Captain Planet? Why not call him?" The Jiraiya tree shook with annoyance.

"You little...look, I am trying to tell you that the land is full of evil and danger. You will have to go on a long, dangerous journey to rid the land of the evil. You have to be prepared for this!" Naruto sighed once again, gazing over at Sakura as she hung motionless in the air.

"Eh...why don't you do it? I mean, you're a faerie, you fly around and stuff. You probably have magic or something. Why don't you do it?" The small, pink being sighed exasperatedly.

"You see what I mean, Jiraiya Tree-sama? The boy has no initiative, and he's dumb as a post. Obviously, you should have picked a brighter, more intelligent person." Naruto glared at her, than back at the tree.

"Fine! I'll do your stupid quest! Now, what do I have to do?" The Jiraiya Tree shook with laughter. As it did so, a large opening formed on its trunk, leaving the way clear.

"You must enter me, Naruto. Only then..."

"Whoa whoa whoa...No one said anything about entering you. I mean, no offense or anything...but I'm straight. I don't play that side of the field...I'm just not that way. Sorry." Sakura shook with anger, flying at the boy and hitting him on the head. "OW! What the hell was that for?"

"Baka! He means enter inside of him! Not...that way. Sicko." Flying off to the face of the tree, she bowed. "Let me guess...I get the pleasure of accompanying him, right?" The tree laughed once more.

"Of course. You are his partner, after all. Now, Naruto. Please, enter my bowels and defeat the evil that lurks there. This is a test...pass, and you may have my blessing..."

"Wait...so this is a test. If I pass this, and defeat the evil, or whatever, I get your blessing?" The tree shivered.

"That's right. You get my blessing." Naruto laughed lightly, turning.

"Naw, I think I'll go home now. See ya!" He took two steps before an enraged Sakura flew at his face.

"Look! I'm your partner, and vice-versa. Now, you get in there, before I kick your sorry butt all over this glade, you hear me?" Naruto took a back step, gazing up at the maddened faerie.

"Um...alright. I guess I see your point." Taking a deep breath, he turned, walking towards the tree. At the entrance, he peered in. "Looks clear. Maybe this won't be so bad after all..." With a push from behind, he tumbled in, Sakura following after.

"Be brave, young one. Be brave..."

Inside the cavernous tree trunk, Naruto gazed about him. All around, vines crept over the walls and on the floor, creating a lush carpet of green. On his left was a wall covered in the thick, ropey vines, on his right were pots.

"Hey...how did those pots get here? Did someone put them here or something?" Sakura shrugged.

"I don't know. Now, we have to get going. What do we do first?" Naruto walked forwards, looking around. Suddenly, he found himself on an ungainly mess of spider web. Looking down, he saw a dizzying drop below. With a scream of horror, he began trying to get himself off the web, finding it difficult to get anywhere on the bouncy material. As soon as he was on land that was solid, he began to hyperventilate.

"Did...did you see...see that? That drop...it was huge!" The faerie flew to the gap, peering down.

"Hmm...looks like we have to get down there. What do we do now?" Naruto sighed, getting up.

"We really have to go down there?" Sakura nodded, flying closer to him.

"Yes, yes we do. Now, I suggest you get a plan together, because we need to defeat the evil of the tree." Naruto glanced quizzically at his partner.

"Wait...the tree is supposed to be the good of the forest, right? The guardian of the sanctuary and all that?"

"Yeah...so what's your point?" Sitting on the ground, Naruto pouted.

"Seems stupid that a guardian has evil inside of him. Why doesn't he just, you know...like, magic it out or something?" A shot to the head left him moaning.

"BAKA! Why don't you ever do what you are told? Now, get up! Let's get going?" Naruto sighed, getting up and wandering around.

"Hmm...I wonder if these pots have anything in them?" Taking one, he threw it, breaking it upon the ground.

"HEY! You don't know who's pots those are. Don't break them!" His faerie flew over, trying to pick up the pieces, which were far heavier than she had originally thought.

"Eh...who's going to know, right? Let's see..." Rummaging through the broken shards, he smiled down at a small item beneath a larger piece. "Hey...this looks like something." Picking it up, he held it above his head. "Um...why am I doing this again? And what is this thing?" Sakura flew over, investigating it.

"It's a Jiraiya nut. You can use it to flash bang someone." Naruto glanced up quizzically.

"Flash bang?" Sakura sighed, placing a hand on her head.

"You know...blind someone. It's good, just put it away and let's go!" Naruto smiled, holding the nut.

"Watch this. And...AWAY!" The nut disappeared, somehow ending up in his bag. He scratched his head, looking around himself. "Hey...you know that I'm supposed to have a bag, right? Well...just to ask...um...where is it?" Sakura sighed once more.

"The bag is fictional, Naruto. It's just in your head. Believe me when I say that when you need something, you will have it, alright?" Naruto shook his head.

"This is confusing me. So, say I want a...Jiraiya Stick!" He placed his hand out, and immediately, a stick appeared. "Hey, good stuff." The faerie buzzed around.

"You know that you have one less stick, right? Remember what you have, otherwise you won't have something that you need." Naruto flipped a hand at her.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Cool, a stick. What to do with it?" Suddenly, a Jiraiya Baba sprang up, getting into a coiled, cobra striking position and watching the two warily. "Hey...I bet this is a great sword like attack weapon thing...or something!" Running full tilt at the creature, Naruto raised the stick above his head. "CHA!" Bringing it down with all his might, he smashed the creature on top of its head, sending it shrinking back into the ground. However, the force of the smash broke the stick into two bits, leaving them on the ground. "Oh...well, now I have two sticks! Fancy that!" He bent over to pick them up, but they immediately vanished. "Hey...where did they go?" Sakura again sighed, flying over.

"You can't use a broken stick, Naruto. Geez, even I know that." Naruto looked at her with sarcasm.

"Yeah...but you know everything, remember?" A punch on the head silenced him, so he went to picking up the remaining pots and throwing them against the wall. After picking up another two yen and some more of the nuts, he walked to the web again. "So...we have to go down there, huh?" The faerie nodded, looking up.

"Hey! Listen! I see a ledge up there! Why not go up there and jump through the web?" Naruto glanced up, shrinking slightly at the height of the ledge.

"Um...better thought. Why not just cut through the stuff with my sword, yeah? I mean, I have a sword, and it _is _just a spider web, correct?" He bent over, ready to slice. Another whack on the head stopped him in his tracks.

"Baka! Why do you always have to do things your way? Do it my way. It makes sense!" Naruto grumbled to himself. It didn't really make that much sense when a sword would have worked just fine, but whatever. Walking to the wall with the vines, he began his slow trek up the side of the tree, looking for handhold's. Making it to the top, he caught his breath, walking along the pathway to another set of vines. Looking up, he smiled. Piece of cake. More vines, than the ledge. He began climbing this set as well, until a very large arachnid flew down, maddened in a reddened rage. Naruto held his breath as it side-swiped him, sending him flying back onto the ledge, looking up at it.

"Holy crap! Did you see that thing? What is it?" The faerie flew up to where the spider sat, turning about in a small circle. She nodded to herself, flying back down.

"It's a skulltula. A spider, you know? You can kill it by attacking it with anything. It's a smaller one." Naruto scratched his head.

"How do you know it's a smaller one...and what do you mean, kill it by attacking with anything?" The faerie sighed once more.

"You really want to know how I know?" Naruto smiled, nodding.

"Yes! Tell me!" The faerie smiled, whipping out a small device.

"It's a Zeldadex! Kinda like a Pokedex...but not as lame!" Naruto face-falled for a second before getting back up.

"Right! Ok...so, anything huh? Hmm...what to use...what to use..." Looking around, he didn't see anything.

"HEY! LISTEN!"

"WHAT! Why do you keep saying that! You talk, I listen. You don't have to say that!" The faerie buzzed slightly, but held its calm.

"Whatever. Hey, go up this path. I think there is a door up there." She pointed upwards, where the path continued on. Naruto nodded, bypassing the crazed insect on his left and walking up the path to the door. Opening it, he looked in on the room, where two large pillars sat in the middle. On the other side, a treasure chest sat, waiting for him.

"So...a treasure chest? Let's get going!" Taking a running leap, Naruto sailed over the first gap, landing on the pillar. As he made it to the pillar, it began to slowly sink into the ground. Gaining his feet, Naruto sailed the next gap, landing on the second pillar, which began to sink as well.

"Darn it! Why do these things keep doing that!" Taking another leap, he made it safely to the platform, looking back at the pillars which had sunk into the ground.

"That was close...I almost didn't make it," Sakura said, twirling about. Naruto glared at her.

"...You do realize that you could have just flown over that, right?" The faerie thought about it, but kept its silence. Sighing, Naruto went to the chest, opening it and digging inside. He came up with an item, holding it above his head.

"Hey! A slingshot! Cool!" Hooking it to his arm, he began play firing it, though he had no bullets to use. "So...what do I use for ammo?" Looking around, he began searching for a weapon that was useful.

"Hmm...how about this over here, Naruto?" Naruto walked over, seeing a scattering of objects on the ground. Picking one up, he held it above his head, where it twirled.

"It's so much fun when that happens! I love it!" Suddenly, the item appeared in his slingshot, and he stared at it.

"It's a Jiraiya seed. You can use it like ammunition for your slingshot. Now, let's go!" Turning, the faerie began to glide across the gap when a seed flew by on her right. Turning, she glared. "What the hell was that!" Naruto, slightly blushing, put the slingshot behind him.

"No...nothing." Grunting, the faerie again turned, and Naruto sighed. "Damn it...just missed." Hopping down, he walked the length of the room, staring up at the ledge. "How the heck am I supposed to get up there?" Sakura pointed to a ladder, which hung above his head.

"Shoot the ladder down, Naruto. It will fall, allowing you to get up." Naruto sighed.

"What is a ladder doing up there?"

"I don't know! Just shoot it down and let's get out of here...I'm starting to get claustrophobic in here!" Naruto nodded, aiming up at the ladder and shooting it with a well-placed seed. It fell with a crunch, landing right side up on the ground. Naruto smiled, cresting the ladder and walking out of the room. Sighting in on the skulltula once they had made it back to the vine wall, Naruto made quick work of it with his slingshot. It tumbled from the wall, kicking out vainly before poofing away in a cloud of smoke. Not having the time to understand that whole mess, Naruto quickly began climbing the wall, ending up on the next floor. Another treasure box stood in his path, and he walked to it, opening it and grabbing out a piece of parchment.

"Hey...a map! Awesome!" Suddenly, he threw it away.

"Hey! Why'd you do that! We need that!" Sakura flew down, picking the map up off the ground and holding it out to him. He shook his head.

"Naw...I'm a man. Men don't need directions, don't you know that?" The faerie huffed, but dropped the map.

"Fine...but don't come crying to me when you need a map." A ledge stood out a little ways, and a skulltula dropped down, its legs flailing about.

"So? What about this guy? He's a bit bigger than the other one." Just then, the skulltula turned, as if bored of the two already. Peeved, Naruto flashed out with his sword, cutting the creature down and sending it flying down to the ground. "Show you to turn around on me!" Looking over the ledge, he balked at the height, stepping back a ways.

"Ummm...are you sure about this?" However, before he could rethink the plan, he was shoved out into space by his pink faerie. With a yell, he plummeted downwards. "Hey...this isn't so bad. WHEEE!!!" He flew through the air, looking down at the spider web. "I hope this works!" WHUMP! He smashed into the ground, knocked senseless. Flying down, Sakura sighed.

"Baka..." Again climbing back up, Naruto managed to jump directly onto the web, smashing through it down to the lower levels.

"Good job. Now...move!" Sighing, Naruto began the task of going down into the bowels of the tree. In it, he found puzzles to solve, skulltula's and Jiraiya Babas to fight, and tasks to do. Going down ever deeper, he found himself in a room with three insane bushes, all shooting Jiraiya nuts at him. As one would pop down into a burrow, another would shoot.

"Um...so, what do I do here?" Sakura flew about, judging the aim of the nuts.

"Well, just use your shield and block the nuts. It should send them back at them. Try it!" Raising his shield, he blocked a nut, sending it flying back. It smashed into the creature, making it retreat into its burrow. It didn't pop out again. "Hey...it worked. Huh." Rolling his eyes, Naruto sent another nut flying back, smashing into the next one, which retreated as well. The third popped out, firing off a nut. However, as the nut flew back at it, it popped back down, coming back up a second later.

"Alright! I give up! Geez, trying to pop a guy when he's just having some fun. I hate you!" Naruto walked up, taking out his sword.

"Tell me something, little weed. Or else I'll...I'll...I'll chop you up...or something." The bush looked around, then sighed.

"Fine. The creature in the next room hates it when things poke it in the eyes. Is that good enough for you?"

"Ummm...ok..." The bush nodded, going back into its burrow as Naruto and Sakura went to the door on the opposite side of the room. Pushing it open, they found themselves in a large area, dark and foreboding.

"I don't like the looks of this. Walk out there, where we can't be ambushed!" Naruto nodded at his friend, walking out with sword drawn. Suddenly, a monster flopped down from the top of the roof, sending Naruto to his knees. It reared up, screeching.

"Holy crap! That thing is huge!" Turning, Naruto began running from the insane monster as it delved to destroy him with its crushing feet and large pincers. Sakura flew up, watching the boy's progress.

"This is ridiculous. He isn't getting anywhere!" Flying back down, she got into the creature's face. It reared back, roaring out. "SHUT UP! YOU'RE ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME!" She backhanded the creature in its monstrous eye, making it back step and hiss.

"OOOOWWWW!! Why'd you have to go and do that!" It sulked, its bottom lip quivering. "You...you're mean. I'm leaving! GOODBYE!" Turning, it began making its way out of the cavern, leaving Sakura tinkling slightly.

"Is...is it gone?" Naruto walked out from his hiding place, looking around grimly.

"Yeah yeah. Big scaredy-baby. Geez...some hero."

"Hey! What's that?" Walking over to a large, blue, heart-shaped crystal, Naruto picked it up, smiling as it shone down on him. "ALRIGHT! A HEART...SHAPED THINGY! SWEET!" It disappeared suddenly, and he felt himself feel better.

"Whoopdy-doo! Now, let's get out of here...this place is beginning to make me feel like a gnome." Both stepped into a light radiating from the ground. It turned out to be a portal, sending them back outside the Jiraiya tree to where the deity still stood.

"Ahh...Naruto! Sakura! You have made it. Tell me, did you do the task?" Naruto smiled, putting up his thumb.

"Of course! I'm the best!" Sakura grunted, shaking her head.

"Big head for such a short person." The Jiraiya Tree laughed, staring down at the boy and faerie as they stood there.

"Well done. Now...I have much too tell you. Listen to my words..." Naruto sighed, sitting on the ground.

"Can you tell me the short version please? You're kinda boring." The tree huffed, but did as told.

"I've been poisoned, I'm dying, you have to save this land, have fun, brush your teeth, take the garbage out, and goodbye!" With that, the tree died, leaving the two alone.

"Well, that's just great! I'm going home now!" Turning, he began walking home, when the faerie buzzed in his face.

"No way! We have to save Konoha, remember?" The youth scratched his chin, looking at the ground.

"Oh yeah...do I have to? I mean, the tree is dead now, right? We don't have to listen to him anymore." Sakura grimaced.

"Yes, it was his last wish. Now, let's go!" Naruto sighed, walking along with his faerie.

"Hey, Sakura...I just realized something..."

"Yeah, what?"

"...You're naked..."

"..."

"OUCH!"

* * *

CHAPTER 2! HURRAY! 


	3. Across the Field

Hurray! Chapter 3 is finally done! Hurrah's are in order! You ready? HUR...

Disclaimer: I wish that I owned parts of this. That way, I would be rich, and you'd never see me ever! But, I don't, and you do. SUFFER ALL YE CHILDREN!

* * *

As Naruto made final preparations to leave his tree house in Konoha Forest, he pondered over the last few minutes of his life. In all, he had saved the Great Jiraiya Tree from a horrible, bloodthirsty evil. Well, ok, he almost saved it from a horrible, bloodthirsty evil. It didn't help that it had died. He shook his head, looking at his pack.

"Naruto...what are you doing?" Naruto glanced up.

"Packing for my trip. What's it look like?"

"You won't need underwear." Glancing down, Naruto brought up his boxers, holding them in front of him.

"What do you mean? This is a trip, right? I need fresh clothes."

"No, you won't. You'll just wear the same clothes over and over again, day after day." Naruto gazed at her questioningly, than submitted, putting his clothes back.

"Alright...but I don't want to hear you complain when its been three days and I haven't changed clothes." A sigh from the pink faerie made him hurry his agenda. He didn't pack much, as the stuff he wore was literally all he took.

"Ok! So, we're done here. Let's get going towards somewhere else. We have to figure out where to go next." Naruto smiled, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket.

"We need to go to Hyrule Castle." Sakura balked, flying over to him.

"How the hell did you know that?" Naruto grinned, holding the paper up.

"Player's Guide. I know everything...Ow!"

"Cheater!"

"Oh well, whatever. Come on, let's get goin'!" Together, the duo began to walk towards the exit from the forest, and everything that Naruto had ever known to that point. Walking through a small aperture created by a log, they began a walk across a small bridge. However, in the middle of the bridge, a figure appeared from behind them.

"Na..Naruto-kun. You're...you're leaving?" He sighed, turning around with a smile.

"Yeah, Hinata-chan! I'm just going on a little adventure to save-the-world, or something like that. Don't worry, though. I'll be back!" Turning, he once again began to leave, but the girl stopped him first.

"Wait...don't go...yet. I...I have...have something for you." As he turned, she held out an ocarina. He took it, gazing at it.

"Um...not to be rude or anything, but uh...you got a drum set or something else I could have? The ocarina is kinda...girly." Hinata glanced down ashamedly. Seeing her face, Naruto smiled. "Wait. Forget I said anything. Thank you Hinata. Thank you." Hinata smiled, taking a reed from her pocket.

"Here, Naruto-kun. Let me...let me play a song for you to...to remember me by!" She began playing, and Naruto tapped his fingers along with the beat. When she was done, he instantly knew the song by heart. "Whenever you're in need, play that song, and...and I will know it's you, and help you...or something."

"Thanks, Hinata-chan!" Striding forward, Naruto gave his friend a hug, causing her to faint.

"Thanks! Now it'll be forever until I can get her to wake up! Thanks a lot...jerk." Anko, the girl's faerie, began buzzing angrily over the fallen girl, trying to re-awaken her.

"Come on, Naruto. Let's get going!" Turning, the duo began making their way out of the forest.

"Hmmm...I wonder if she knows any Slim Shady?"

* * *

Outside, in Konoha Field, Naruto glanced around. Nothing but fields as far as he could see. "This place is boring! Why are we here again?" Sakura sighed. 

"Baka! We have to get to the palace, correct? It's over there!" Pointing to the opposite side of the field, Sakura flew up for a better view. She could see the mountain smoking just to the right of the castle, and some other places. Flying back down, she smiled.

"It would be nice to fly. That way, I wouldn't have to run everywhere!" Sakura smiled again.

"One of the perks of being a faerie I suppose."

"Is another of those perks being annoying, too?...Ouch!" Walking together across the field, they stopped momentarily for Naruto to clip some more bushes. Coming to the gate, they stopped, looking at it.

"Wow...it's big." Suddenly, the gate began tipping forward, cutting them off from the rest of the town. A wolf howled in the distance, and immediately, Naruto felt a chill go up his spine.

"We'll have to wait until morning to get inside. I heard that they close the gates because monsters roam the field at night." Naruto turned, quaking.

"Mo...monsters? No one ever told me about monsters!" Just then, a couple of said beasts popped from the ground, shambling slowly towards the two. With a scream, Naruto began running as fast as his legs could carry him, away from the danger and everything they stood for. When he thought himself a reasonable distance away, he turned, smiling at the fact that the creatures were nowhere in sight. "Hehehe...I can outrun 'em, at least!" Smiling, he turned back around. His face dropped, however, as two more popped from the earth in front of him, beginning their slow walk for flesh. Naruto began to cower back, bringing his small, wooden shield up to protect himself. "You...do something! These things are going to eat me!" Sakura sighed, staring at them.

"Come on. Look how slow they are. Just...just whack 'em with your sword or something!" Gulping, Naruto waited until one came near. Swinging out, he caught it on the arm, breaking it off. The creature continued its attack, however armless it was. He swung out again, causing it crumble. A yen appeared from the corpse, and he picked it up while avoiding an attack from the other creature. By now, he was getting into the spirit of things. Swinging high, he aimed for its head, catching it just below the jaw and dislodging its head from its main body. Its body continued to walk around, swinging vainly out for him in hopes of catching him off guard. However, with no head to direct it, it looked more ungainly than anything Naruto had ever seen.

"Um...is it serious?" Sakura shrugged, flying up to the beast and landing on its shoulder. It flailed around at the touch, and she hopped off.

"I guess...it's just dumb." Naruto sighed, walking up and dispatching the headless creature. It disintegrated, leaving behind some more yen.

"Hey, question. These things are nothing but bones and...nothing, right? Where are these yen coming from?" Sakura shrugged once more.

"It's a great mystery of life, Naruto. Now, come on! We have to get into the castle!" Running back, they found the castle drawbridge lowering as the sun began to peek around the mountain. Running around the field had caused them too lose much time, which Naruto didn't necessarily hate.

"Well, let's get going. Straight through town, no looking back!" Walking straight in, he marched resolutely forward. "Yes! Straight on through! No turning, no looking, no nothing! I need to get to the castle and...oh! Pretty shield!" Running to a shop, he pressed his nose against the glass, staring at a Konoha metal shield, neatly embroidered with the emblem of the nine-tailed fox, ripping apart a shrew. He sighed. It cost eighty yen, and he only had fifty. "I suppose I could go cut some more bushes. That would take forever, though." Turning, he began walking away, until a sign caught his interest. "Hmm...what's this? Sell masks? Out on loan? Interesting!" Walking into the mask shop, he went to the counter. "So, what's all this about selling masks?" The shop owner, some Chinese looking guy, turned, smiling.

"Ah yes. Yes yes. Sell masks you do. We borrow you mask, than you give money back us. Yes! Make rich us. Much rich. Much much rich!" Naruto, understanding very little of this, smiled.

"Ok! I'll do it! Let me have..." Instead of picking a mask for himself, the shop owner thrust one into his hand.

"You no pick! You sell this one first! You sell, make me rich! Very good! Go sell! Much money!" Turning, Naruto walked from the shop, looking down at the fox mask he held in his hand.

"Strange. Why would someone want to look like a fox?" Shrugging, he held it above his head, where it rotated for a moment before disappearing. "Ok! Now to go to the castle." Wandering to the front of the castle road, he spied a girl wandering around on the dirt path. "Excuse me, miss...um, is there a way in?" She giggled, pointing at him.

"Hello. My name is Tenten. You're all orange...kinda like...an orange. I'm gonna name you...fruity." Sakura laughed lightly.

"Fruity...fits him perfectly." Naruto sighed, pointing a finger at her.

"Hey! My name is Naruto, alright!" The girl smiled.

"Naruto...what kinda name is that? Naruto...sounds weird. Oh, you have a faerie? Cool..." He sighed. The girl was totally ditzy.

"Yes...cool. Now, a way into the castle?" She laughed lightly, pointing to the side of the wall.

"The guards won't let you past the gate. But you can climb this vine and get into the grounds. Be careful, though. If the guards see you, they'll throw you out." Naruto nodded, grabbing a vine.

"Right. Don't let them see me. Got it!" Climbing a vine, he stopped as her voice floated up to him.

"Hey! My dad went in there, but he hasn't come back! Can you, perhaps...find him and wake his ass up? If he is asleep, which I am certain he is!" Naruto smiled, looking down.

"Sure!" The girl smiled back, then began rummaging in her pouch. Taking out an item, she tossed it up to him. He smiled, snatching out to grab it. However, it slipped out of his hand, falling to the ground and cracking all over the ground. "Um...oops." The girl sighed.

"That was a cucco egg. It was supposed to help you wake him up." Naruto grimaced.

"Um...sorry." The girl smiled back, taking out another egg.

"Oh well. Here, catch this one!" She threw it up, and he caught it that time. "It will hatch and wake up someone sleeping!" With that, she waved at him, turning to run back to town.

"Weird...I wonder why she didn't go find him herself?" The faerie shook her head. "Oh well. Come on, Naruto! Let's get going!" He gave her a glare.

"Nag nag nag! That's all you ever do...OW!" Climbing the wall, he skirted the edge, finding himself on the opposite side of the gate. Running down the hill, he began crisscrossing the field, dodging guards. One he almost got caught by. Thankfully for him, they had no depth perception, nor did they have peripheral vision. He found himself on the right of one guard, and any normal person would have seen his bright orange jumpsuit in plain view. However, the guard made no notice of it. He shrugged.

"Sure glad that the guard can't see me!" The guard made no motion. "Hehehe...deaf to. Some guards!" Running to the back of the castle, he began looking around. A snore on his right caught his attention, and he ran over to a pile of boxes, where a man was asleep, snoring peacefully. "I should wake him up! It's probably Tenten's dad!" He brought out the chicken that had just hatched from the egg, miraculously without an incubator or a hen to sit on it. It took a look at the man, than back at Naruto.

"Yeah, right! Like I can wake that fat ass up? You've got to be kidding me!" Taking off, the cucco flew away into the sun. Sighing, Naruto turned back to the man. Glancing at the moat surrounding the castle, he smiled. Going over to the man, who had positioned himself perfectly, Naruto hefted him up, spilling him into the cold water.

"GAAAHHH!!!!" Jumping out, the man began panting like a puppy, staring at the water cascading down his body. "What the hell was that for?" Naruto shrugged.

"It worked, didn't it? Anyways, Tenten says you need to come home!" The man gasped.

"Oh no! Tenten said that? Oh, she'll be so angry with me! I have to hurry home! AARRGG!" Flailing his arms, he began running back towards the main gate. Naruto shook his head as he watched him go.

"What a loser! Afraid of his own daughter. Well, that's done. So, let's get into this place, yeah?" Looking across the moat, he spied a small opening in the wall. "I wonder what that's doing there? Oh well. Hm...how to get across?" He propped himself on one of the boxes, which moved slightly. He cursed, sitting on one as he tried to think of a plan. "I can't just hop across it. Sakura can't just fly me across it. Hm...what to do..." Suddenly, an idea hit him. "Ok, Sakura! We need a large rubberband, some ice, a cow, and a moose, along with three hundred school children!" Sakura cocked her head to the side.

"What the hell are you talking about? Just use the boxes you idiot!" Naruto glanced down, smiling sheepishly at the box underneath him.

"Well...yeah! That was my next method!" Getting up, he began maneuvering boxes around as best as he could, dropping one in the water. It shortened the flight path, and he made a daring jump of over two feet to cross the moat and gain access to the hole in the wall. Crawling into it, he found himself in the garden, looking around. "Wow! So many flowers." However, seeing a guard in the distance, which apparently never saw him, made him stop. "Alright...get past the guards...HERE WE GO!"

A few minutes later, he arrived at the end of the garden. "Shew! That was a close one! All those guards almost caught me. Thank god they didn't wear any glasses today!" Looking around, he spied a young girl staring through a window. Walking up with a swagger, he bowed. "Hello! I'm Naruto!" The girl jumped with fright, staring at him.

"Who are you? What are you doing here!?" Naruto looked up at Sakura.

"I thought I just said who I was." Sakura shrugged.

"You know most royals are inbred. She's probably the same. Go with it." Naruto sighed.

"I'm Naruto. I came here to fight a great evil...or something like that." The girl sighed, blushing slightly.

"Oh! You must be the hero of legend. It was said he'd come with a fairy to fight the evil. I...I'm glad you came." Naruto smiled. The girl was pretty...so he was pretty happy he came to.

"No problem. Now...who are you again?" The girl smiled.

"Certainly you know of me? I am the Princess Haku!" Naruto shrugged.

"Eh...never heard of ya." The princess frowned.

"Well, anyways. Come here...see the evil that the world has brought upon our heads!"

* * *

Next chapter: The Evil Amongst Us...and Outside of Us...and Inside of Us...and Stuff! 

I know that Haku isn't a girl. However, the fact that I made him the princess will come out later on...just roll with it right now! It's going to be funny as all hell!

By the way...and I apologize for this...if ever you see mistakes in this, like yen being called rupees or things being referred to as Zelda stuff, unless names of monsters, please let me know. I get a little confuseled when I am typing these things...darn it!


End file.
